To quit or hang in there?

My heart is sad. For someone who used to go to the gym 5 times a week for 2 hrs each time... I now get there about 2 times a month.  First it was going back to work full time, but I managed to still get there for training one evening and a couple mornings a week.  Then the mornings started dwindling, then the training contract was done, and finally my spouse working more with less availability to help. I've turned my frustration into indifference.

The last couple weeks I've pondered dropping the gym, because I'm paying $30/month for pretty much nothing. My hesitancy is having to pay new member fees again someday.  I figured out I'd have to quit the gym for about 2+ years to get ahead. So idk.

Frustrating Dream

I had a weird frustrating dream this morning.  I dreamt I finally got to go to the gym. I was on the fancy treadmill doing a half-assed run.  When I got off I noticed that it was the only one of that kind, normally there are 4 of them.  Then I looked around and realized that a lot of the equipment was missing or moved.  All the bikes were gone...being used in the Great American Bike Race.  The weight machines were scattered in no order, bunched up, in disarray.  I couldn't figure out where anything was, or what to do.  Was very frustrating.

I don't think the dream means much, there's not like a hidden meaning or anything, just a reflection of my frustration of not being able to go there.  I like it there, and I feel like it's been taken away from me.  It's not an excuse to not exercise though, but I've not been very good about doing any sort of exercise at home.  My house is not large, there is no nice big area to do an exercise video with.  The livingroom floor could suffice, if my child wasn't constantly dragging toys in the middle of it.  I know that's not an acceptable excuse either.  Truth is I just don't have the desire or ambition to try exercising at home, for several reasons beyond this whine, but I'd rather be lazy and vegitate in the chair. This time of winter has always been hard for me, the depression is worst right now.  Cmon spring!

thinking vs doing

I'm really bummed I can't get to the gym anymore.  First it got down to once a week, and now it's about twice a month only.  Why? I have a 7 year old who is too old for the children's room there, but too young to stay home. We do not have any babysitters (we rarely go out).  My spouse has been working so much lately we barely see him.

Now I do realize this doesn't mean I can't work out.  I just like the gym because I can focus there. I don't look to my left and think "oh i need to clean that" etc. I don't have a child bothering me every 5 minutes for something (not that they need anything, but just want to tell me something, thus taking my focus off exercise).

In my head I think a lot of about exercises.  Do 10 pushups, 10 situps, 60 second plank. How hard would it be to do those a couple times a day, anywhere? Well at work it's awkward. I don't have a private office, I'm the front desk, and most every other office is occupied.   At home, clutter is my excuse.  To have a clean floor is a wonderful thing--but it doesn't last long.  A clean floor = space for my boy to drag every toy in the house to.

Excuses excuses.  I just need to stop thinking and start doing.  Something is better than nothing.

Net Calories

My Fitness Pal (MFP) has a unique way of calculating daily caloric needs.  Sparkpeople will give you a calorie range to shoot for, exercising is beyond that.  You can find in the reports section what your daily (or weekly, etc) calorie deficit is, but it's not readily viewable on any main page.  MFP gives you a minimum calorie goal, anytime you enter exercise it adds that into the calculation.  Take today for example, my calorie goal is 1300, I exercised a total of 478 calories, making a total of 1778 calories right? I ate 1769 calories, leaving me with 9 left.

Now, I'd always viewed that as I wanted to stay around or even under that total calorie goal.  Under meaning possibly 200 or more calories at times.  I was looking at it as, "I ate 1700 calories today! UGH! I should be eating only 1300."  However, I was missing something.  That was Net Calories.  MFP takes your calories eaten minus your exercise.  In doing so, that gives me net calories of 1291.  In reality I'm right where I need to be.

I had this revelation over the weekend, and then promptly looked at a history report of my net calories and saw there were many times I was getting 1000 or less calories a day.  Essentially my body said, "You are not eating enough and I'm going to hang onto whatever I can."  And thus the scale did not move.  I'd read on the MFP boards how people said they need to eat their exercise calories because if they didn't they'd stall/plateau.  I get that now!

I've not been very good about tracking the last couple days, with the holiday season--all the goodies, the feelings of just celebrate and not think about what you ingest--I blew it off over the weekend.  But today was back at it.  And I will continue to do so until probably next weekend when we do the big xmas thing.  And I think that's ok, as long as I remember moderation, and promptly get back to tracking on Monday.

Holiday Hoedown Check-in Week 4

Here's my official weekly Hoedown checkin. In some ways a success, in others #fail.  The success is that I finally got to 162.  Why must a half measly little pound be so hard to drop? Geesh. Beyond that victory, I got so-so exercise in.  I have my goals set for 45 minutes every day, and if I walk over my lunch break and then again at my afternoon break I can make it.  I made 245 minutes total this last week.  The #fail comes in at the trying something new.  I have a hard enough time focusing on getting anything in much less trying something new.  My brain just says "walk, now."

The challenges for this next week--increase exercise minutes.  Ack, I'll try, really.  Don't know where I'll get it in, but I spose if I can find five minutes, that's more lol.  The non-fitness challenge, wow this is one I think many of us deal with.  I know I'm great for bashing myself.  Just like finding five minutes... I'll strive for one nice comment.  lol, such high ambition.

True Confession Tuesday

I'm gonna jump on the confession bandwagon at shrinkingjeans.net this week. My confession... I'm an exercise slacker.  Well I feel like one anyway.  In my mind I have all these thoughts and ideas and good intentions.  I see things like... hold a plank for 1 minute, do 20 pushups, do 50 crunches, run on my treadmill, use my balance ball.  But what do I do? I rationalize, procrastinate, and plain out ignore the free time I have to fit those in.  I've already come to the acceptance I need to make it happen myself, at home.  I don't have the time or ability to get to the gym a lot of days. Heck, I havn't been in my gym in almost 2 weeks, that's a long time for me. The gym motivates me, and I focus better there.  I don't have the distraction of mom mom mom mom, or a cat crawling thru my legs.  Alas, that time is precious and I have little of it lately.  But I've not been very good about doing what I can at home either.  Shame. 

Head on over to shrinkingjeans.net to check out the other confessions!