To quit or hang in there?

My heart is sad. For someone who used to go to the gym 5 times a week for 2 hrs each time... I now get there about 2 times a month.  First it was going back to work full time, but I managed to still get there for training one evening and a couple mornings a week.  Then the mornings started dwindling, then the training contract was done, and finally my spouse working more with less availability to help. I've turned my frustration into indifference.

The last couple weeks I've pondered dropping the gym, because I'm paying $30/month for pretty much nothing. My hesitancy is having to pay new member fees again someday.  I figured out I'd have to quit the gym for about 2+ years to get ahead. So idk.

Frustrating Dream

I had a weird frustrating dream this morning.  I dreamt I finally got to go to the gym. I was on the fancy treadmill doing a half-assed run.  When I got off I noticed that it was the only one of that kind, normally there are 4 of them.  Then I looked around and realized that a lot of the equipment was missing or moved.  All the bikes were gone...being used in the Great American Bike Race.  The weight machines were scattered in no order, bunched up, in disarray.  I couldn't figure out where anything was, or what to do.  Was very frustrating.

I don't think the dream means much, there's not like a hidden meaning or anything, just a reflection of my frustration of not being able to go there.  I like it there, and I feel like it's been taken away from me.  It's not an excuse to not exercise though, but I've not been very good about doing any sort of exercise at home.  My house is not large, there is no nice big area to do an exercise video with.  The livingroom floor could suffice, if my child wasn't constantly dragging toys in the middle of it.  I know that's not an acceptable excuse either.  Truth is I just don't have the desire or ambition to try exercising at home, for several reasons beyond this whine, but I'd rather be lazy and vegitate in the chair. This time of winter has always been hard for me, the depression is worst right now.  Cmon spring!

thinking vs doing

I'm really bummed I can't get to the gym anymore.  First it got down to once a week, and now it's about twice a month only.  Why? I have a 7 year old who is too old for the children's room there, but too young to stay home. We do not have any babysitters (we rarely go out).  My spouse has been working so much lately we barely see him.

Now I do realize this doesn't mean I can't work out.  I just like the gym because I can focus there. I don't look to my left and think "oh i need to clean that" etc. I don't have a child bothering me every 5 minutes for something (not that they need anything, but just want to tell me something, thus taking my focus off exercise).

In my head I think a lot of about exercises.  Do 10 pushups, 10 situps, 60 second plank. How hard would it be to do those a couple times a day, anywhere? Well at work it's awkward. I don't have a private office, I'm the front desk, and most every other office is occupied.   At home, clutter is my excuse.  To have a clean floor is a wonderful thing--but it doesn't last long.  A clean floor = space for my boy to drag every toy in the house to.

Excuses excuses.  I just need to stop thinking and start doing.  Something is better than nothing.

2 weaks off

I finally got to go to the gym this morning... 2 weeks after the last time I was able to go.  Now, it's not that I NEED the gym to exercise, I've actually been getting cardio in with the treadmill at home and walks during breaks at work.  It's the weights and strength training.  Certainly, I could do some of it at home.  I just don't.  I'm distracted, I look around and see all the things I should be cleaning or organizing, and in truth I get neither done.  I am master procrastinator. 

So this morning, taking time to lift some weights, do some strength exercises, I find how fast your body gets lazy.  What was moderate before felt tough today. Ugh.  I need to discipline myself more to find time to fit strength moves in no matter where I am (wall pushups, lunges, etc).

True Confession Tuesday

I'm gonna jump on the confession bandwagon at shrinkingjeans.net this week. My confession... I'm an exercise slacker.  Well I feel like one anyway.  In my mind I have all these thoughts and ideas and good intentions.  I see things like... hold a plank for 1 minute, do 20 pushups, do 50 crunches, run on my treadmill, use my balance ball.  But what do I do? I rationalize, procrastinate, and plain out ignore the free time I have to fit those in.  I've already come to the acceptance I need to make it happen myself, at home.  I don't have the time or ability to get to the gym a lot of days. Heck, I havn't been in my gym in almost 2 weeks, that's a long time for me. The gym motivates me, and I focus better there.  I don't have the distraction of mom mom mom mom, or a cat crawling thru my legs.  Alas, that time is precious and I have little of it lately.  But I've not been very good about doing what I can at home either.  Shame. 

Head on over to shrinkingjeans.net to check out the other confessions!