To quit or hang in there?

My heart is sad. For someone who used to go to the gym 5 times a week for 2 hrs each time... I now get there about 2 times a month.  First it was going back to work full time, but I managed to still get there for training one evening and a couple mornings a week.  Then the mornings started dwindling, then the training contract was done, and finally my spouse working more with less availability to help. I've turned my frustration into indifference.

The last couple weeks I've pondered dropping the gym, because I'm paying $30/month for pretty much nothing. My hesitancy is having to pay new member fees again someday.  I figured out I'd have to quit the gym for about 2+ years to get ahead. So idk.

Power of One Final Checkin

This will have to be a short and sweet entry, busy daily life is around the corner but I wanted to get something written down. Here was my beginning stats for this challenge:

Starting Weight: 164.5
Waist Measurement: 32”
Hips Measurement: 41”

So how have I done over these weeks? Pretty good in my opinion.  I didn't quite make the 10 pound loss I wanted but I did more than 5!  Here's my current stats:

Ending Weight: 157.2

Waist Measurement: 31.5

Hips Measurement: 40.5

Frustrating Dream

I had a weird frustrating dream this morning.  I dreamt I finally got to go to the gym. I was on the fancy treadmill doing a half-assed run.  When I got off I noticed that it was the only one of that kind, normally there are 4 of them.  Then I looked around and realized that a lot of the equipment was missing or moved.  All the bikes were gone...being used in the Great American Bike Race.  The weight machines were scattered in no order, bunched up, in disarray.  I couldn't figure out where anything was, or what to do.  Was very frustrating.

I don't think the dream means much, there's not like a hidden meaning or anything, just a reflection of my frustration of not being able to go there.  I like it there, and I feel like it's been taken away from me.  It's not an excuse to not exercise though, but I've not been very good about doing any sort of exercise at home.  My house is not large, there is no nice big area to do an exercise video with.  The livingroom floor could suffice, if my child wasn't constantly dragging toys in the middle of it.  I know that's not an acceptable excuse either.  Truth is I just don't have the desire or ambition to try exercising at home, for several reasons beyond this whine, but I'd rather be lazy and vegitate in the chair. This time of winter has always been hard for me, the depression is worst right now.  Cmon spring!

Power of One Checkin

The last couple weeks have been busy, or I just havn't had the desire to post anything online.  We had the flu, then a subsequent cold, then out of town. I had one child's birthday, I have the spouse and other child to go yet in February.  February is "eat lots of cake month" in our house.

What I've been happy with is the scale.  Considering a weekend out of town that included eating out a lot, I knew there would be a gain. So while it is up, it's not as bad as I feared it could have been.  And I'm actually so tickled I've been able to keep under 160.

What I find frustrating is my current activity level and my aspiration--or lack thereof.  The most exercise I get lately is a 20 minute walk break at work.  That's so far off from where I was, someone who exercised 2 hrs 5 times a week.  Work has slowly taken that away little by little every month that goes by, coupled with a heel spur causing significant pain in my foot, I just don't get the cardio in that I was able to.  But, that doesn't excuse me from strength training--I have no excuse for that other than laziness.  *suck*

Haunting Anorexic

Ever since I first saw this photo it has haunted me.  No, this picture is not photoshopped or airbrushed.

I went on a search tonight, once again, trying to find out who this model is/was.  Obviously it wasn't someone famous for modeling but being that thin I thought there must be more information out there on her.  Part of my search included looking at photoshopped pics of models.  Many anorexic looking models really aren't that thin, as you can see on this page that shows the airbrushed comparisons (its in french but you'll get the whole idea).  Somehow I stumbled upon a link while going thru google images checking info on each copy of this pic, that led me to the photographer's actual page.  I still had to do a little more digging to get more information other than it one a photo of the year contest in 2007.  What I've found out is:

The photo is titled "Marta" ... so I assume that's her name.  This IS an actual photo, there is no touching up, airbrushing, photoshopping.  What you see is her, plain and simple, haunting in her near death body.  The photo was actually taken in 2006.  The photographer, Andrzej Dragan, is from Poland.  He'd happened upon Marta's photo's she'd submitted to a modeling agency.  She was turned down by them.  He took the opportunity to photograph her, showing us a stark reality of the damage of anorexia.  Last report I could find was in 2007/2008 where he said she had gone into treatment and was recovering.

Here is another pose of Marta that easily found on the internet:

2 Firsts

I got to see something today that I haven't seen in about 15 years.

The 150s on the scale! Ok, so it's just barely there, but that's a 5, not a 6 !! I do fully expect to be back in the 60s again, and maybe even hang there a bit--based on my history.  But I also do have this tiny hope that the number will go down and fully plant me in the 50s for good. That hope is based on my second 1st today. 

After my frustration of just sitting within a three pound range, last week I decided to try something for a jump start.  Let me precursor that I don't believe diet pills are the answer.  I know they don't lead to lasting weight loss, or they don't lead to any weight loss at all.  But, the frustrated part of me wanted to try something, anything.  Ok, not anything. But after working my ass off at the gym, eating within my alloted calories, and not losing, I gave in to the illusion a diet pill may help. 

I decided on Fahrenheit Nutrition's Lean EFX. 

It cost approximately $35 for 45 pills.  The label says 1 pill in the morning with food.  Do not take later in the day.  And after taking my first pill, I saw why.  Wow did it give me energy! At first I didn't notice much of an appetite suppressant effect, I was hungry all morning.  But then at lunch I had a PB&J, Blueberry Chobani greek yogurt, and a Babybel Light--about average for what I have most lunches.  But after lunch I felt stuffed, and I continued to feel that way all afternoon into the evening. So I'm noticing it now lol. 

As for if it really helps burn more fat, etc., I'll get back to you on that.  The scale should show the difference if it works.  

Power of One Weigh-in Feb 2

Well this last week has been sort of eventful. The school called Wednesday afternoon, my son was sick. And that was the beginning of THE FLU. (Did ya hear it? That deep ominous announcer voice boldly stating THE FLU.) By Friday my daughter and I had it. Now thankfully, IMO, it was respiratory influenza rather than stomach flu. I just hate stomach flu, the puking, the shits, the cramping, etc. Anyway, we spent the weekend on the sofa. By Sunday night my husband had it.

I learned something by being sick. I didn’t monitor my calories, I tried to eat healthy but ate more than I would on a normal day. On Sunday, I did some laundry & such, and my Bodymedia Fit told me I’d burned 2300 calories that day. I thought, I barely burn that when I’m walking at work, how did I burn that sitting at home most of the day? Turns out, being sick ups your metabolism a bit. Awesome, right? Except, I expect it will go back to normal now that I’m feeling better. Now, if I can just keep off the 2 pounds I lost. Since I didn’t blog last week about my weigh in…

Last week’s weigh in: 163.6

Today: