thinspo?

With the death of Isabelle Caro I got to looking at some thinspo material just out of curiosity.  What I see is a lot of extremely underweight girls. Girls. Most being teenagers, some in early 20s.  Kids.  I think back to when I was that age, when I was thin. I weighed 115 pounds, a BMI of 19.1--still in the healthy range but at the bottom.  5 pounds less and I would have been "underweight".  And as a teenager, I had some almost anorexic habits, except now days they have the buzzword "drunkorexia" for it.  I literally would refuse to eat all day so that when we went out drinking I could get drunk faster.  (Hence part of why I no longer drink.)  After I sobered up and went off to college I started the typical weight gain "freshman 15" etc.  I remember there being a girl in the dorm who was anorexic--skeletal and had that fine downy hair all over her.  Not something you aspire to when you see it in person.

Fast forward approx 20 years and lots of additional pounds later.  I now look at these "thinspo" photos and can't imagine ever being that thin again.  Do I want it? Honestly, Yes.  Am I willing to starve myself for it? No. I know enough about nutrition and I've read enough about the damage anorexia does.  I don't need to read about the damage bulimia does and its never been an option for me, my mother was one.  I see the damage first hand. I know in order to successfully lose weight, and keep it off, I need to eat.  Not overeat, not under eat.

I look in the mirror, I see a jelly belly, thunder thighs, big butt. In some thinspo pics, the girls hip bones stick out so far that their panties actually don't touch their abdomen.   I tried to find my hip bones last night, they are buried deep lol.