May Your Way Check In 1

Have I stuck to my goals in the 4 days of this challenge? Well, the scale is down, and I'm still surviving so I guess so.  It's been wonderful to get outside for an afternoon break walk at work, it's finally not too cold, or too snowy, too rainy, too windy.  And today's walk rocked, I was surprised to hear the My Tracks Lady Voice say I was walking at 4.5 mph.

Stats...
Beginning: 159.6
Current:  157.2
Change: Down 2.4 pounds :)

Scale pics are up today thru today  (links on the left side).

Bass Ackwards

I did so well, and then everything went bass ackwards.  I really thought that after my spouse left for work training (he'll be gone thru July) that I could just quit eating.  Silly, I know.  I should know myself after cough35cough years that when I'm stressed I eat. And what didn't help is the food was almost shoved before me.  I ate out more in one week than I had in 3 months I think.

But, it's May now.  I want to be all "WOOHOO I'm diving in!" but I'll be totally honest--I probably won't be.  But I am joining the May Your Way challenge. (See that button over there? ---> Click it to join too!) My goals for this challenge are very simple:

1) At the very least maintain my weight and try not to let the scale go over 160, and if I control the emotional eating I hope to even lose the 5+ pounds I've gained back.

2) Survive May.

Let me explain 2.  I'm at least done running the kids on Tuesdays, and don't have the worry of having to take off work for that.  Being the last month of school there's the end of school projects, field trips, parties.  What I'm really holding out for is June.  Between basketball camp and vacations the children will be with grandparents more than home. My husband joked I was going to use the free time to go find a better spouse, I said "hell yeah!" Of course I didn't say that, I told him "you know what I'll be doing - going to the gym." I can't wait!

So anyway, starting weight:

sabotage

I updated my ticker.  I was doing so well.  And then something interrupted, and it's been downhill since.  This last week has been total sabotage.  I finally update my Daily Weigh pictures (links on the left) which show my #fail.  I ate out at restaurants more in the last week than I have in a long time.  Tuesday night, Wednesday lunch and dinner, Friday dinner.  Its so easy to put a couple pounds back on, and I know it's going to take me weeks to get it back off.  Not worth it, but the damage is done and I only have forward to go.

I am joining my friend Jenn in stepping it up in April.  I've been slacking off on the push ups.  My only cardio has been a 20 minute walk during my afternoon work break and even that isn't every day. I need to get back to good food choices -- more protein, less fat, less sugar, less carbs.

new ticker time

I need a new ticker I guess...and not my heart lol. I've surpassed my goal on the ticker on the right side of my blog.  Time for a new goal! :)

Spring Into Action check in

Figured I better check in, even if briefly.  Life has been very busy, and when I'm not working I've been glued to the whole Japan tragedy.  Today's check in logged me a weight of 154.8.  I was happy with that, mostly because last night the family went out for chinese buffet and I figured I'd have more of a sodium/water weight gain than just .4 (was 154.4 for the last couple days).  The hundredpushups.com challenge? I just finished week 2 with a total of 60 pushups, 15 in the last set.  Next up is an exhaustion test that I'll do on Friday or Saturday.  I can already tell a difference in my strength and my spouse noticed my arms being more toned just in 2 weeks. :)

So close I won't taste it

I was going to write something earlier but then the whole Japan earthquake & tsunami thing captured attention.  By noon we had bad weather moving in and work got busier.  By the time I left work at 3:30 it was blizzarding something awful and the drive home was not fun. With all that I forgot my little morning woohoo, it was insignificant in light.  Anyway, now that I'm home safe and hunkered down, here's my woohoo...

Looky over there to the right at my weight loss ticker.  Yep, it says 154.8.  I am SO close to this goal.  In all truth I was extremely surprised. But it gives me resolve to be good over the weekend, to not give in to eating some kind of high sodium-laden junk food.  The goal is so close, I won't taste it -- the unhealthy food that is lol.

Spring into Action beginning

A new challenge with the Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans :) I'm excited to be starting this challenge at my lowest weight since, well, about the time I got married (and that's a long time ago).  I will admit my goal for this challenge is very low - only 3 pounds.  If I can lose just three more stubborn pounds, I will officially be in the HEALTHY BMI range and out of the overweight range.  By no means is that my final destination though, but I thought it realistic for a 6 week challenge. If I lose more that's great, but I'm not going to disappoint myself with a goal I know I won't reach right now.  My weight loss has been slow and steady, and I know as the scale goes down it's harder to lose. 

My starting weight for this challenge: 

I'll also be participating in the 100 Pushups Challenge.  My initial test tonight was a huge number of 8, I have far to go.  

Oh for petes sake... my partner in crime is my bff Jenn (aka DarkDevotion), we're the "Gut Bustin Bishes" LOL

To quit or hang in there?

My heart is sad. For someone who used to go to the gym 5 times a week for 2 hrs each time... I now get there about 2 times a month.  First it was going back to work full time, but I managed to still get there for training one evening and a couple mornings a week.  Then the mornings started dwindling, then the training contract was done, and finally my spouse working more with less availability to help. I've turned my frustration into indifference.

The last couple weeks I've pondered dropping the gym, because I'm paying $30/month for pretty much nothing. My hesitancy is having to pay new member fees again someday.  I figured out I'd have to quit the gym for about 2+ years to get ahead. So idk.

Power of One Final Checkin

This will have to be a short and sweet entry, busy daily life is around the corner but I wanted to get something written down. Here was my beginning stats for this challenge:

Starting Weight: 164.5
Waist Measurement: 32”
Hips Measurement: 41”

So how have I done over these weeks? Pretty good in my opinion.  I didn't quite make the 10 pound loss I wanted but I did more than 5!  Here's my current stats:

Ending Weight: 157.2

Waist Measurement: 31.5

Hips Measurement: 40.5

Frustrating Dream

I had a weird frustrating dream this morning.  I dreamt I finally got to go to the gym. I was on the fancy treadmill doing a half-assed run.  When I got off I noticed that it was the only one of that kind, normally there are 4 of them.  Then I looked around and realized that a lot of the equipment was missing or moved.  All the bikes were gone...being used in the Great American Bike Race.  The weight machines were scattered in no order, bunched up, in disarray.  I couldn't figure out where anything was, or what to do.  Was very frustrating.

I don't think the dream means much, there's not like a hidden meaning or anything, just a reflection of my frustration of not being able to go there.  I like it there, and I feel like it's been taken away from me.  It's not an excuse to not exercise though, but I've not been very good about doing any sort of exercise at home.  My house is not large, there is no nice big area to do an exercise video with.  The livingroom floor could suffice, if my child wasn't constantly dragging toys in the middle of it.  I know that's not an acceptable excuse either.  Truth is I just don't have the desire or ambition to try exercising at home, for several reasons beyond this whine, but I'd rather be lazy and vegitate in the chair. This time of winter has always been hard for me, the depression is worst right now.  Cmon spring!

Power of One Checkin

The last couple weeks have been busy, or I just havn't had the desire to post anything online.  We had the flu, then a subsequent cold, then out of town. I had one child's birthday, I have the spouse and other child to go yet in February.  February is "eat lots of cake month" in our house.

What I've been happy with is the scale.  Considering a weekend out of town that included eating out a lot, I knew there would be a gain. So while it is up, it's not as bad as I feared it could have been.  And I'm actually so tickled I've been able to keep under 160.

What I find frustrating is my current activity level and my aspiration--or lack thereof.  The most exercise I get lately is a 20 minute walk break at work.  That's so far off from where I was, someone who exercised 2 hrs 5 times a week.  Work has slowly taken that away little by little every month that goes by, coupled with a heel spur causing significant pain in my foot, I just don't get the cardio in that I was able to.  But, that doesn't excuse me from strength training--I have no excuse for that other than laziness.  *suck*

Haunting Anorexic

Ever since I first saw this photo it has haunted me.  No, this picture is not photoshopped or airbrushed.

I went on a search tonight, once again, trying to find out who this model is/was.  Obviously it wasn't someone famous for modeling but being that thin I thought there must be more information out there on her.  Part of my search included looking at photoshopped pics of models.  Many anorexic looking models really aren't that thin, as you can see on this page that shows the airbrushed comparisons (its in french but you'll get the whole idea).  Somehow I stumbled upon a link while going thru google images checking info on each copy of this pic, that led me to the photographer's actual page.  I still had to do a little more digging to get more information other than it one a photo of the year contest in 2007.  What I've found out is:

The photo is titled "Marta" ... so I assume that's her name.  This IS an actual photo, there is no touching up, airbrushing, photoshopping.  What you see is her, plain and simple, haunting in her near death body.  The photo was actually taken in 2006.  The photographer, Andrzej Dragan, is from Poland.  He'd happened upon Marta's photo's she'd submitted to a modeling agency.  She was turned down by them.  He took the opportunity to photograph her, showing us a stark reality of the damage of anorexia.  Last report I could find was in 2007/2008 where he said she had gone into treatment and was recovering.

Here is another pose of Marta that easily found on the internet:

2 Firsts

I got to see something today that I haven't seen in about 15 years.

The 150s on the scale! Ok, so it's just barely there, but that's a 5, not a 6 !! I do fully expect to be back in the 60s again, and maybe even hang there a bit--based on my history.  But I also do have this tiny hope that the number will go down and fully plant me in the 50s for good. That hope is based on my second 1st today. 

After my frustration of just sitting within a three pound range, last week I decided to try something for a jump start.  Let me precursor that I don't believe diet pills are the answer.  I know they don't lead to lasting weight loss, or they don't lead to any weight loss at all.  But, the frustrated part of me wanted to try something, anything.  Ok, not anything. But after working my ass off at the gym, eating within my alloted calories, and not losing, I gave in to the illusion a diet pill may help. 

I decided on Fahrenheit Nutrition's Lean EFX. 

It cost approximately $35 for 45 pills.  The label says 1 pill in the morning with food.  Do not take later in the day.  And after taking my first pill, I saw why.  Wow did it give me energy! At first I didn't notice much of an appetite suppressant effect, I was hungry all morning.  But then at lunch I had a PB&J, Blueberry Chobani greek yogurt, and a Babybel Light--about average for what I have most lunches.  But after lunch I felt stuffed, and I continued to feel that way all afternoon into the evening. So I'm noticing it now lol. 

As for if it really helps burn more fat, etc., I'll get back to you on that.  The scale should show the difference if it works.  

Power of One Weigh-in Feb 2

Well this last week has been sort of eventful. The school called Wednesday afternoon, my son was sick. And that was the beginning of THE FLU. (Did ya hear it? That deep ominous announcer voice boldly stating THE FLU.) By Friday my daughter and I had it. Now thankfully, IMO, it was respiratory influenza rather than stomach flu. I just hate stomach flu, the puking, the shits, the cramping, etc. Anyway, we spent the weekend on the sofa. By Sunday night my husband had it.

I learned something by being sick. I didn’t monitor my calories, I tried to eat healthy but ate more than I would on a normal day. On Sunday, I did some laundry & such, and my Bodymedia Fit told me I’d burned 2300 calories that day. I thought, I barely burn that when I’m walking at work, how did I burn that sitting at home most of the day? Turns out, being sick ups your metabolism a bit. Awesome, right? Except, I expect it will go back to normal now that I’m feeling better. Now, if I can just keep off the 2 pounds I lost. Since I didn’t blog last week about my weigh in…

Last week’s weigh in: 163.6

Today:

Frustration!

A friend told me that according to scientists yesterday (January 24) is considered the worst day of the year. Some of the reasons being financial stress after the holidays, hype of holidays done, blowing off the new year’s resolutions, less sunlight, etc.

I’m feeling the frustration. It’s not financial or holiday letdown related, it’s just – WINTER. We have 6, yes SIX, months of winter here. It gets long. And it’s cold. And even when the sun does come out, I work in a windowless office and don’t get to see it. The roads suck to drive on.

Then there’s the scale. I’m frustrated with trying—eating well, trying to get some form of cardio in, in hopes of not aggravating my plantar fasciitis more (biking is out)—only to have the scale just fluctuate in a 3 pound range. Up down up down. I look at the standings for my work weight loss challenge and see everyone losing, and I gained. Real booster there, not.

I broke down today and ordered Fahrenheit Nutrition Lean EFX. I’m not looking for it to be a miracle cure, but I’m hoping it will help jump start metabolism, so I don’t feel that my efforts are for nothing. I’ll be sure to let you know if it helps, or if it was a waste of $.

thinking vs doing

I'm really bummed I can't get to the gym anymore.  First it got down to once a week, and now it's about twice a month only.  Why? I have a 7 year old who is too old for the children's room there, but too young to stay home. We do not have any babysitters (we rarely go out).  My spouse has been working so much lately we barely see him.

Now I do realize this doesn't mean I can't work out.  I just like the gym because I can focus there. I don't look to my left and think "oh i need to clean that" etc. I don't have a child bothering me every 5 minutes for something (not that they need anything, but just want to tell me something, thus taking my focus off exercise).

In my head I think a lot of about exercises.  Do 10 pushups, 10 situps, 60 second plank. How hard would it be to do those a couple times a day, anywhere? Well at work it's awkward. I don't have a private office, I'm the front desk, and most every other office is occupied.   At home, clutter is my excuse.  To have a clean floor is a wonderful thing--but it doesn't last long.  A clean floor = space for my boy to drag every toy in the house to.

Excuses excuses.  I just need to stop thinking and start doing.  Something is better than nothing.

Power of One Check In

Why oh why couldn't yesterday be weigh in day for the Power of One? It was for my work challenge however, and I got a nice percertage drop.  I kept on track yesterday, and even got to go to the gym--which I think was my downfall today actually.  I'm guessing my body said 'hang on, here' in anticipation of increased activity. At least that's what I'm telling myself :-P  I do anticipate the the scale going back down to yesterday's weight and lower. 

So, here's my official weigh in for the Power of One challenge today:

Still officially down .2, but it could have been 1.2.  Oh well, progress!

Cholesterol Update!

The letter from my dr. came yesterday.  There was a sense of anticipation and dread all at the same time while opening it.  Would the numbers be down? Well, here's a breakdown:

Type     Start     Current     Should Be
Total     280       252          Under 200
LDL      197       169          Under 130
HDL      46         49           Over 40
Trig       208       172          Under 150

The numbers are dropping! It was enough of an improvement for him to tell me to just keep doing what I'm doing, and recheck again in another six months.  Besides exercise and losing weight, his recommendation was to eat 200mg or less of cholesterol per day.  I've also been taking Schiff MegaRed Krill Oil. I'd read krill oil is supposed to be better than typical the omega fish oil for lowering cholesterol.  IDK how much it has helped in my lowering, but its 1 simple little (yes! little, not horsepill) pill a day.

eek

Ok, after fasting 12+ hours so I could have blood drawn for a cholesterol test today, I decided today would be a cheat day.  Starbucks used up almost half my calories for the day, for a mid-morning breakfast.  For lunch, I hadn't packed anything, and since I was 10 minutes late I took only a 20 minute lunch and therefore grabbed the easy but not great fried special--grilled ham & swiss on rye, and french fries.  I didn't finish either, omg the grease & unhealthiness.  Gut Bomb.  I shouldn't have eaten when I got home after work, but I did.  And tomorrow will probably be a scary scale pic.  You've been warned. :P

Wednesday Check In: The Power of One!

Well, a whole week has gone by and I’ve blogged nothing. Guess I haven’t had much to say! Yesterday I was feeling a bit down. It was weigh-in/points logging day at work and I wasn’t impressed with my check in.

As for the Power of One check in?

Not as much as I hoped, but still a loss!

As for the January project? I didn’t do last weeks. I have a hard time imagining the goals I’d like to achieve this year much less realizing them as the year goes on. I could say “I ran my first half marathon” but honestly, I don’t see that happening. I tend to not plan further out than a week, I can’t plan 9 months from now. I could write “I lowered my cholesterol 50 points by losing weight”…but if I have a hereditary problem losing weight may not dent it even. I can’t say that this week’s project is much different. I’m like several others I’ve read—I hate seeing these goals I’ve written down, and I’ve accomplished nothing of them when I look back.
I have an appointment tomorrow morning to see my dr. and have my cholesterol levels checked. I’ve lost about 8 pounds since the end of July 2010. It’s not much, but we’ll see if it’s helped. I’ve printed out reports from the last 90 days from my tracking at My Fitness Pal (since that’s as far back as it goes) to show him that I’ve tried. I’m excited and nervous to see what happens.

Wednesday Check-In: The Power of One

Officially a half pound down. It’s not much, it’s not enough, but it’s better than a gain. Part of this is from eating too much a couple times, and much too little exercise. I really miss my gym time. I am so much better focused there, I don’t have the distraction of children or pets, the air movement better compared to my dungeon basement with a hot wood stove in the same room as my equipment.

Another new challange starting

Not only am I doing the Shrinking Jeans Power of One challenge, they have started a weight loss challenge at work that I figured I'd jump in on.  The biggest difference being the one at work is a $35 buy in.  They have 4 winners--most weight loss, 2nd weight loss, most points, 2nd points, with each winning a certain percentage of the pot.  As of last night there was only like 6 of us joined.  In the past the guys have joined and I figured they could smoke our ladies asses, but I was told they were the opposite. They checked in at the beginning and rarely or never afterward lol.

I figured all I have to lose is $35, hell I've blown money on stupider things lol. The challenge goes till April, so I'm hoping that will keep me motivated during this cold hell winter.  It's -10* F here this morning.  Just lovely. :P

The weigh ins for work are on Tuesdays. Considering I weigh everyday anyway it doesn't matter that I have 2 different weigh in days.  I'm not going to do a weigh in post for the work challenge--none of them read this.  My weigh in posts will remain for the SJPOW on Wednesdays.  I've also added in the upper left, a feed to my tumblr Daily Weigh blog.  I'm posting a pic of the scale every day (that's possible to do so).  I think it will be interesting over the course of the year to see the trends.

thinspo?

With the death of Isabelle Caro I got to looking at some thinspo material just out of curiosity.  What I see is a lot of extremely underweight girls. Girls. Most being teenagers, some in early 20s.  Kids.  I think back to when I was that age, when I was thin. I weighed 115 pounds, a BMI of 19.1--still in the healthy range but at the bottom.  5 pounds less and I would have been "underweight".  And as a teenager, I had some almost anorexic habits, except now days they have the buzzword "drunkorexia" for it.  I literally would refuse to eat all day so that when we went out drinking I could get drunk faster.  (Hence part of why I no longer drink.)  After I sobered up and went off to college I started the typical weight gain "freshman 15" etc.  I remember there being a girl in the dorm who was anorexic--skeletal and had that fine downy hair all over her.  Not something you aspire to when you see it in person.

Fast forward approx 20 years and lots of additional pounds later.  I now look at these "thinspo" photos and can't imagine ever being that thin again.  Do I want it? Honestly, Yes.  Am I willing to starve myself for it? No. I know enough about nutrition and I've read enough about the damage anorexia does.  I don't need to read about the damage bulimia does and its never been an option for me, my mother was one.  I see the damage first hand. I know in order to successfully lose weight, and keep it off, I need to eat.  Not overeat, not under eat.

I look in the mirror, I see a jelly belly, thunder thighs, big butt. In some thinspo pics, the girls hip bones stick out so far that their panties actually don't touch their abdomen.   I tried to find my hip bones last night, they are buried deep lol.

GAH!

Thursday night was a binge....NYE wasn't but I didn't eat the best.  And the scale shows it this morning.  Must crack down.